Washington DC, USA – President Biden has appointed Dr. Antony Fauci, and the Centre of Disease Control (CDC) in aiding the recovery of the US economy to pre-pandemic levels.
After a successful meeting where the two discussed how COVID restrictions were effecting the economy, with mid sized and large corporations at the centre of the talks, Biden announced that Fauci will play a leading role in forcing people to work.
“We are going to be using the expertise of Dr. Fauci and the resources of the CDC to give the free market a bit of a push towards growth. That includes giving corporations a valid excuse to bring their sick employees back to work. Let me be clear. The American economy relies on corporations. Those corporations rely on their workers. If corporations can’t function due to continued staff shortages, especially because of Omicron, the American economy cease to function. Therefore, employees NEED to come back to work. Period.”
Joe Biden, US President
One of the first acts as new unofficial defacto head of the National Economic Council (NEC), Dr. Fauci has mandated employees infected with COVID-19 come back to work after 10 days of unpaid sick leave, 4 days less than the previous recommendation. He said workers who are affected by the virus will not be compensated by the government for days missed due to required funding of the US military for a war that has yet to be determined.
“The 5th wave of COVID with Omicron being majority of infections throughout January, is going to hit the US hard,” Fauci warned. “We can’t afford for the free market to suddenly come to the a halt because our citizens are sick. We need the economy to function, despite the dire conditions. Large corporations need to keep doing what they’re doing because we rely on them to advance US economic interests overseas.”
The CDC, nor Fauci consulted with any workers rights groups, unions, or physicians when making the decision to reduce the isolation recommendation.
Those on the front lines of the fight against COVID say they are shocked but not surprised by the announcement.
One doctor, who wishes to remain anonymous, said that the US government does not seem to care if the hospitals are overrun by workers who are already overworked and underpaid. “They want people to die for the economy. I don’t know how many people are actually willing to do that.” She went on to say that a 10 day isolation period does not guarantee that an infected person will recover from COVID.
Satirica reached out to Dr. Fauci and the CDC but have yet to hear back at the time of publication.
Photo: DonkeyHotey, CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0, via Wikimedia Commons
