Toronto, Canada – Premier Doug Ford was reportedly on a multi day drunken stupor at his cabin in Central Ontario to celebrate New Years.
A neighbour of Ford claims his saw the Premier’s cabin lit up with lights and heard loud music coming from the residence, saying it looked like a 1990s European Discotheque.
Despite the Province’s COVID numbers seeing a dramatic rise, particularly in Omicron cases, Ford was mentally on vacation well before Christmas. Ontario COVID cases have hit more than 13,000 in just a few days.
At one point, the neighbour, who wishes to be called “Dick” because he doesn’t want to face retaliation from the Fords, claimed he saw the Premier run out of his house topless, swinging his shirt around yelling, “Fuck the people! Fuck the people!!!!”
“I was completely shocked. I know Doug isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, and he’s quite incompetent which is obvious, but for him to show such indifference to people like has left me speechless,” said Dick.
“After urinating in a pile of snow, he stumbled back inside his house where he began doing an awkward dance where he’d spank his stomach to the “boom boom boom” part of Boom Boom Boom by Vengaboys and then perform what I believe to be twerking.”
-“Dick” – Premier Doug Ford’s Muskoka neighbour
Dick says he called the police a number of times only to find the officers partaking with Ford in the festivities while snorting cocaine off of Ford’s large forehead.
Satirica attempted to knock on the Ford cabin but were told to “fuck off” by an unidentified voice. We passed by the alleged pile of snow where Doug reportedly urinated. It appears the Premier attempted to spell his name with his own urine in the show but spelled his own name wrong. Instead of ‘Doug,” he wrote, “Dug.”
Photo: Doug Ford from Canada, CC BY-SA 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0, via Wikimedia Commons
