Edmonton, Canada – Alberta’s premier, Jason Kenney, has revealed his Christmas present for all Alberta citizens this year: utterly decimating the provincial healthcare system.
Last week, Kenney announced that unvaccinated people can gather with their vaccinated friends and family for the holidays amidst the growing spread of the omicron variant of COVID-19.
“Even though I promised when I got elected that I would commit myself to universal healthcare by not destroying it, I am announcing that, as of today, I am taking steps towards destroying universal healthcare in this province.”
-Jason Kenney, Alberta Premier
Kenney said that by relaxing restrictions, he hopes that the healthcare system will be overwhelmed with COVID patients, doctors and nurses will experience burn out and quit, waiting times will increase, giving him the perfect excuse to introduce privatized healthcare in the province.
“If we see how private healthcare is run in the US,” Kenney commented, “we see an efficient, market driven system with virtually no burn out by doctors or nurses, no wait times for patients, and no government accountability. It’s really quite amazing.”
When asked about how he expects people to pay the enormous costs for even simple procedures, he said that he expects job creators in the province to provide health insurance. If people cannot gain access to health insurance through an employer, people can turn to holistic medicine to cut down costs.
Kenney refused to comment about his latest taint hair transplant which he got through the public system a few short weeks ago. Claiming it was a private matter, he refused to acknowledge the seeming double standard applied to him and the the rest of the people.
“I don’t think big government should be determining what kind of care Albertans should be getting in terms of their health.”
Jason Kenney is a self proclaimed ‘free market fetishist’ where he gains pleasure from unfettered capitalism. The nature of this pleasure has not been made clear, only that it makes him “feel damn good down there.”
